Banishing The Word “Bossy” From Our Vocabularies

@SuAvaTia: Banishing The Word “Bossy” From Our Vocabularies:

As always, Mr Yashar hits me at the core and makes me realize a simple aspect of a person. I, for one have been exposed to many 'bossy' people as I am sure you have. Tolerating them to me is the key. Or avoiding in totally for peace of mind. What type of boss-y-ness is another issue. Here's some types which I have crossed path with:

Type 1

I know everything as I am well learned, read, exposed, and can even read people's minds. No, I am not a tarot card reader, gypsy/bomoh related (I think) or anything religiously connected to my mind reading skills. Whatever you say or feel, I know. I also know your reactions.

This to me is not even bossy, this is God-like behaviour cum bossy.

The worst kind, in my opinion. You may be enamoured / charmed by this type but trust me, its not worth it at all. Let these type be oblivious to their abilities when at the end of the day, they say one thing, they do another. What others do is never enough. But what have they done to themselves? I don't want to know.

Type 2

I know everyone. Everyone knows me (reallllyy?). I command audience to whatever I say. Yes, you have my attention. But what are you saying?

This type is the type to also think they know it all and will only speak of them them them. They know it all, they have it the hardest, they have it the best and they are the most accomplished one of all.

Yes, i get it. Please there are always other sides to a coin. And there is also the truth.

Type 3

I am the boss. Simple as that. And you are my underlinks..my kuci rat..my library where when I am stuck you are there to regurgitate what I am thinking feeling and etc.

I get you too. You are the boss but please act like one sometimess..or most of the time

Type 4

I am the boss but I dont act like one. I can be your friend but please dont step the boundaries. I mean business and please show me what you have and have respect to what I have to offer.

I know what I want but I am willing to listen and learn with you.

This of course if the one that I can tolerate with. Respect is earned, not imposed upon. I get that you are more experienced but it does not make you a deity. Bosses are leaders..not some lost person who have gained attention. You may be interesting to the public but being interesting and knowledgeable is not enough. You need to persistently show you have got the chops.

Type 5

I am the boss. You can come to me but at the end of the day, you are never good enough. You never try to read. You never do this. You never do that. You think you know the answer?

Bloody hell..this is close to type 1 as it is neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ever good enough. We are your kuli yes. We get it but we are NOT ROBOTS. We can work but it would be nice, if its not toooooooooo much to ask for some words of motivation.

Negativity can only be accepted to a certain extent.

Type 6

I am the boss. Because I said so. I am learned, well read, exposed, older than you. I can do this, you cant. You cant do that. We can do this.

Do this for me as its your job.

This is the most silent boss but also the most confusing. Communication is lacking. So we kuli tend to assume. With little info, how could we not assume? Then we get bashed for assuming.

Type 7

I am your friend. I can laugh with you yet I am the boss as I am more senior. I like it this way so follow my way. Why do you like that..?

This is a very opinionated so called boss who refuses to accept a persons way of life. Moving on!

Please...I can go on and on and on..........endless..

Lets be the boss that we are. But try to accept others' stories, words, sentences or views. Its always not about you.

You dont know everything. Only God knows that.

You should know that respect is earned.

You should also know that a boss needs to be trusted.

A boss is also a leader who has leadership skills. Popularity is not a tool to measure your leadership.

You may be the boss. Only the word boss is stuck with you. I dont see the values of a leader.

Conclusion?

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She’s Not a Time-Bomb: Are Men Teaching Kids to Re...

@SuAvaTia: She’s Not a Time-Bomb: Are Men Teaching Kids to Respect Women:

This past weekend, as I was leaving the shopping mall near my apartment, I overheard a man tell his son and daughter that they needed to rush home for dinner because, “We don’t want mommy to get really upset.”

For the record, the guy seemed like a kind and gentle father. And I’ve heard men make comments like his plenty of times. In the past, I always thought, “Well at least they are respectful enough to know what their wife or girlfriend needs. At least they are making an attempt.”

But as I watched him and his children run off, it occurred to me that a very small, seemingly innocuous sentence could really place an incredible amount of weight on kids.

I don’t know this man and I don’t know what he truly intended with his comment, but what he said to his children reminded me of a wider cultural habit: we tend to take action to placate a woman’s potential unhappiness rather than taking action to show her respect and love.

When we say something like, “Mommy will get really upset,” we are in danger of teaching our kids to do something respectful, like being on-time, as a way to avoid a reaction.

Think about it. How many times have you said to someone, “I have to go, she’s gonna rip my head off if I’m not on time for dinner.”

Can you imagine if your daughter would say that about her boyfriend or husband?

“If I’m not on time, John is going to rip my head off.”

You would assume she is being emotionally or physically abused.

So why are we setting such an example for our sons?

Instead of doing things to honor the women in our lives, we are conditioning our kids to have basic, respectful behavior to avoid potential anger.

But this claim isn’t simply about our kids being on time to dinner. This is about asking ourselves a serious question: what is our motivation for our actions?

When you buy an anniversary present for your wife or girlfriend, do you do it because you love her and want to honor the day she came into your life? Or do you do it so she won’t “flip out?”

Do you show up to an important event for your wife or girlfriend because you’re proud of her and want to stand by her side? Or, are you showing up because you told your friends “there’s no way I’m getting out of this one, she’ll be so pissed if I’m not there.”

I’m not saying you don’t love the woman in your life. I’m just asking you to assess your motivation for the things you do for them.

At the end of the day, priority lies in what your kids learn from you, how they perceive your motivations.

You’ll be making a big mistake if you think that this issue is too nuanced for them to understand. You might luck out, but chances are, your kids will adopt your behavior and your reasoning.

Is it worth the risk?

I have no doubt that most men are not intentionally taking actions to placate, instead of respecting, their women. And I also know that most men wouldn’t want their kids to think and act this way.

But if you’re reading this story and think I am overreacting and parsing words, I want you to do one thing: take a look at your children.

Do you want your son to think that all women do is nag, complain, and flip out? Do you want them to think that normal, courteous behavior like being punctual or showing respect are only tools for appeasing a hysterical woman?

......

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Missions Possible in 2012?

Mission 1 : To treat others as you want to be treated.

Mission 2 : To be a better wife to my husband, daughter to my parents, sister to my siblings, auntie to my nieces and nephew & a good friend and listener

Mission 3 : To be more punctual and present

Mission 4 : To be more grateful for what I do have rather than longing for what I do not have

Mission 5 : To eat healthily, keep fit and better health

And lastly, being true to myself . So with that said, don't be pigeon-holed into a role that doesn't suit us. Unhappy? Change it. Fearful? Do it anyways. Feeling you don't know who you are anymore? Take some time to figure it out so that we can become the type of person we would like to meet. Most importantly be true to ourselves. We deserve it.

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